What is the brand new cool?
Exactly what it says on the tin. Brand New Cool, just got it in this morning. Go ahead and check the expiration date.

Um… there isn’t one…
That’s right. Brand New Cool is always brand new and cool. Never spoils, expires or goes bad.

What happened to the Old Cool?
You mean the Old Ass Cool? Well, it was old. And assy. It got thrown out. Why are you even asking? What, you like Old Assy Ass Cool?

Nah, nah. I just, I was curio–
Don’t make excuses. You were wondering about the outdated, terrible, secretly-anti-cool Old Cool because that’s what you’re used to and are comfortable with. Even though it has 99% less cool and twice the fat of Brand New Cool

I guess you’re right. I’m addicted to the old junk. Can you guys help me? Please.

We’re not miracle workers, but check the site out and we’ll do what we can.