There are alot of things about Facebook that I hate. I’ve already discussed 5 of those things already. Well that list of things grows little by little every day it operates. I really won’t be happy until Facebook is shut down or they throw dirt in my face which may be soon if a Facebook user takes offense and poisons my Captain Morgan.
Read Part 1 here
5. Two people to one profile-This is just dumb. It’s usually a couple who’s married or living together. And I know it’s the female’s idea. Their reasoning behind this is either a) they think it’s cutesy to share it because it somehow symbolizes their union like the women who think it’s cute for them and their husbands to both record the first outgoing answering machine message when they first move in together, b) they think they’re so sexually desired and list their husband or boyfriend on the profile to avoid an overflow of horny men flooding their inbox with messages, or c) they think their men are so sexually desired and list themselves on the profile to avoid an overflow of horny women flooding their men’s inbox with messages. Whatever the reason is, it’s usually unneccesary. It’s not cute in any way. It’s not a mailbox sign, it’s a facebook page. Nobody is impressed with the fact you’re in a relationship, unless you grew up eating boogers and avoiding baths. The women that do it to avoid being “harrassed” by flirty male friends, get over yourself. Unless your profile picture is of you wearing a “Slut” t-shirt, I doubt it’ll be very difficult for you to handle a few emails from flirty friends.
And for the women who do it to keep women away from their man, guess what? Your man knows that’s the reason and he hates it. He doesn’t hate it because it keeps him from talking to other girls necessarily, but also, because that limits his topics of conversation with other friends of his. He can’t safely talk to an old friend about a girl they used to go to school with being hot now. And believe me ladies, all guys wana talk about another hot girl besides you from time to time. It keeps him human, and you’re taking that away from him. And your man might actually wana just keep in touch with an old female friend he had before he met you and has to keep that a secret because you obviously didn’t trust him enough to let him have his own facebook page to begin with. Poor bastard! Do you take away one of his testicles before he goes to work and give it back to him in the evening? The only way I could accept the two person profile, is if it belonged to the very sexy couple of Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis. Anything I have to say to Natalie, can be said to Mila as well.
4. The “I’m blessed, you’re blessed, everybody’s blessed blessed” person. This is, in no way, a criticism of spiritual people. It’s not an opposition to religion or faith or anything of that nature. I know there are some people on my friends list that are genuinely concerned for the well being of man and wish that everybody on their list was as blessed as humanly possible. But there are some people that are just taking it too far and not very real about it. Some people wana tell everyone to be blessed and leave some Godly words to lift your spirits. But then 3 updates later, they’re asking the Facebook community of men who’s ass they’d rather see in the air, Kim Kardashian or Rosa Acosta? Wow. I don’t know about you, but I can’t take that person’s spiritual enlightenment seriously. I’m not saying you can’t believe in God and faith and also believe in the power of the naked woman as well, but too many people try to use facebook to front like they’re something they’re not just to get people to click on the “like” button. And I wouldn’t want them blessing me when I didn’t ask them to. Especially because the answer to that question is Halle Berry. Idiots!
3. The “Whats up Facebook?” person- I’ve already mentioned the “Goodnight Facebook” person in part 1. But the “What’s up Facebook” guy is very similar in both uselessness and the level of which it annoys me. Alot of you are guilty of this. You log on for the first time in the morning and you give a big “What’s good FB?” update. And if you can think of at least one time where you got more than one response to that update, I’ll give you $100 and Lady Gaga tickets. (Don’t ask where I got em or how I got em. Or why) I don’t care if you’re the coolest guy have 1,000 friends, nobody cares that much about you to even dignify that stupid update with a response. What do you want them to say?
“Nothing man. Just woke up. Gonna eat cereal now!!!”
“Yo. I’m at work. I forgot to wear a belt!!!”
“I’m cool. Just landed in Delaware!! It’s ON!!!”
You didn’t think you were gonna get interesting conversation from that question did you? When you ask a boring question, expect a boring answer. The truth is you shouldn’t expect any answer because nobody is listening to you when you ask that. You’re most likely not Wilder Valderama, Diddy, or whoever white people might find interesting to talk to…Ashton Kutcher? The average person isn’t just gonna jump at the opportunity to engage in convo with the regular guy who just says “What’s up” first. This isn’t Jeapordy.
2. The club promoter who sends 25 “invites” to your mailbox a week guy-I already have a little problem with club promoters. Not all of them. I know quite a few, and some of em actually kick ass at it and some of them just like passing out flyers as an ice breaker. Facebook was inevitably going to be a method of promotion. Promoters can reach a huge number of people at once. But some people promote to the point of nasuea. On the average, I probably receive about 20 club invites per week. These promoters want you to know that you are invited to some club and wana know if you will attend. Why? I never understood this. I always assumed it was so that club owners and promoters could get some idea of how many people to expect so they can calculate how much alcohol they need and money they could make. But does that ever work? It’s not a wedding that people RSVP’d for. It’s a club. If I feel like going and I have something to wear, I still MIGHT go. If I click “Yes I will attend”, are they gonna treat me like a Person of Interest when I arrive? Will I be greeted with, “Oh yes sir. Right away. We were expecting you. The DJ is in great form this evening. You’ll be happy to know he’s only played one Gucci Mane song so far.” Probably not gonna happen that way. So why would it matter if I tell you that I’m going to your club night or not? I don’t need your promotional e-vite. Honestly, you don’t need it either. 9 times out of 10, the same clubs have the same music on the same night every damn week. I don’t need a reminder to go to the same place on the same night as last week. Only time I need a heads up is if the club burned down on Monday, the DJ lost his sense of hearing or his hands, or the club is now strictly for Vampires. Otherwise, I’m all set.
1. The “I’m just gonna say something topical to get people to talk to me” person-This might be one of things I hate the most. I’ve said it before, I realize without alot of these things, Facebook doesn’t exist, but I hate them regardless. Some Facebook addicts are so hungry for attention and conversation, that they’ll just say whatever just to stir shit up and get people responding to their update. There’s no real intent or purpose for these updates aside from they just wana be able to see 20 comments under it. Most common b.s. updates might be something ethical like “Would you tell your boyfriend/girlfriend if you cheated on them?”. Something love related like “Is there a difference between loving somebody and being in love?”. Something heart felt that is supposed to show men in a sensitive light and appeal to women like “My son told me he wants to be like his Daddy when he grows up, blah blah blah….I’m a single parent. Ladies holla at me”. Or something risque and taboo like when a girl’s update says “I need a booty call” or “Women need to make sure they’re satisfying their men”. Again, these are people that have no real feelings on the topic nor do they care about the answers. They just like being responsible for suckering their whole friend list into a stupid conversation that they’ve probably had a million times already in their adolescent and young adult lives. I can respond to all of these questions right now that way you won’t have to in the future. The cheating thing-No freakin way. The love thing-That’s female shit. The son thing-Who cares? The sex thing-Yes, it’s cool for females to be so open and free and whatever, but it’s 2010 and we’ve seen Madonna, Lil Kim, and Lady Gaga and we’re no longer impressed by sexually driven women anymore and for you to be so open about it on a social networking site just comes off as nasty and unattractive and most likely you are that way, because you’re desperate for male attention and since most men don’t find you naturally attractive you have to resort to offering this information to get it. Whew! I’m sure that offended a few people. But you know, at the end of the day I love all of yall and wish my arms were long enough to hug u all at the same time.
