5. Button up collars go on the inside of your blazer. Not the outside. If you’re gonna dress up in a nice shirt and blazer, you should do it right. The point is to look nice, but when you wear your shirt collar on the outside of your blazer, you just look inexperienced at wearing nice things. I know the idea is to add some “hood” or “edge” to the dressed up look. “Edge”,  “attitude”, “spunk”, or whatever word you use, it’s a bad idea. I know it was popular in the 70′s. It was THEE look. Most noticeable in John Travolta’s Saturday Night Fever.

But it’s 2010 now. We shouldn’t be dressing like Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. We should be dancing dressing like Travolta in Staying Alive. Slim jeans and a hot leather jacket. Cool. I know alot of rappers think they look good when they model their dressy Awards show outfit after Scarface. And that might be ok if 3 rows down, Common, Pharrell, Jay Z, and Kanye West weren’t wearing it the right way. Whether it’s a hood thing or a Cuban drug lord thing, it should be something we don’t ever have to see again.

4. Your first initial and your last name is not a nickname. That’s your regular name. If your name is “Tim Woods” and you make it a point to say people call you “T. Woods”, that’s not a nickname. It’s what your name looks like in the phonebook. By saying this, you’re telling me that either you have very uncreative friends or you’re not cool enough to be given a REAL nickname. Or even worse, you’ve given yourself that nickname and that was your way of making it seem like you didn’t take it too seriously if someone clowns you for it. When in actuality, some of your final choices were “Turbo”, “Ozone”, and something with the word “Lil” or “Young” at the beginning. And I don’t understand how you can put this fake name in quotes in between your first and last name and not notice that it looks odd.

Tim “T. Woods” Woods

No!! That’s a terrible nickname choice and you shouldn’t have allowed it to continue this far. If your nickname would legally be acceptable on various legal forms, business documents, applications, etc., then it’s probably not a certified nickname.

3. I don’t wana see you in jeans at the gym. I don’t mean just inside the gym walking to the locker room. I’m talking about on the gym floor where gym things are happening. Some of you may ask why I give gym goers such a hard time, when it should just be commendable that they’re actually at the gym in the first place? Well because alotta shit bothers me. Period. When you’re at the gym, you should be wearing gym attire. On the list of gym attire, are the usual, sneakers, shorts, sweats, etc. Not on the list of gym attire? Denim or anything with belt loops. I’ll let cargo shorts slide because I know sometimes you gotta carry your ipod and keys and change and stuff. But jeans? Nah. It’s distracting. People always say “Nobody’s lookin at you while you’re at the gym”. Yes they are and they see your jeans. Some people go to the gym on their lunch break and they happen to wear jeans to work. Well the fact you’re still wearing them while you work out means, you’re not showering, which means you got a funky afternoon at work. Which person would you rather be? The guy who’s cool with wearing jeans at the gym or the funky employee with sweaty legs? And if it’s absolutely necessary to wear denim, aside from making it a quick workout, you should at least dress it down. Don’t work out in jeans, fresh kicks, and a fashionable tee like you just stepped off a MTV U video. That’s doing too much and you look ridiculuous. You look ike you took a wrong turn at Pac-Sun.

You can't do squats in jeans

2. What’s the point of wearing a long sleeve shirt with shorts? I’ve never been a fan of this look. If it’s an athletic situation, I can understand. Wearing long sleeves with your shorts to sweat more and get a better workout is cool. But cargo shorts with a long sleeve button up and NIKE shox is just frustrating to see.

Where's he going?

What’s going on? Are you hot? Cold? Both? Where you going? The beach? Penguin exhibit? It just doesn’t calculate. And it makes even less sense when the long sleeve shirt you’re wearing has the sleeves rolled up or pushed back. That’s a major violation. For alot of men, winter clothes just feel better. Men can’t be sexy like women can, so sometimes we feel more attractive in cool jackets and sweaters. So on 70 degree days, you’ll sometimes find guys trying to combine the summer look of shorts with a winter long sleeve because they think it looks cooler. Plus, most likely, he doesn’t have any t-shirts that haven’t been washed and they look terrible by now. And that one good one he hasn’t washed has a stain that he just can’t do anything about. But long sleeves isn’t the answer. There should be some sort of fashion enforcer that comes out and says “Oh no you don’t! You wear those sleeves regular!” as he grips your sleeve between two fingers and pulls em back down to their original position. That’s right. Over your sweaty arms.

1. Stop making repeat New Year’s resolutions. Making them in the first place is kinda silly already. But if this is the 4th year in a row, you’ve said you’re gonna stop drinking so much, chances are you’ve forgotten you’ve said it 3 times already becuase you drink so much. It’s always good to set goals. It gives you a solid task to accomplish, but you probably have a better shot at reaching that goal if you set it on any day after Jan. 1. It’s cool to try to accomplish goals you didn’t reach the year before, but we all know the truth.  You know how long I’ve been saying I was gonna go back to school? Since 2002. You know when I decided I wasn’t gonna go back? 2001. I think we should all make one resolution this year. Stop lying to yourselves and others. You’re not gonna start going to the gym just because Earth went around the sun again. Unless the Earth talked shit to you personally and said “I can run around the sun in a year, bitch! Beat that!” Then you’d have to show Earth you ain’t no punk.

Merry New Year Everybody!!