5. Men should stop saying a girl is your best friend unless she’s your girlfriend or wife. And the same goes for women who say the same about another man. Let me begin by saying, it’s not that I don’t think it’s possible for that scenario to be true. But 99% of the time, it’s not. We’ve all seen the movies with two best friends of opposite sex. By the middle or the end of the movie, they’re confessing their love for each other. Girls say “Oh that’s my best friend”. Really? What about that chick you’ve talked to 4 times a day on the phone since 7th grade? The one who lived with you 3 summers in a row? Ok. Guys say “Oh she’s like my best friend”. Oh really? So that’s who you talked to about losing your virginity for the first time in graphic detail? And been playing in 3 on 3 tournaments with since ya’ll we’re 8? Whatever you say.

But somehow, it’s a cool and unique concept and people say that for it’s appeal. Women say it because they like it when other people say “Oh, why don’t you try to get with him?” so they can say “Oh no he’s like a brother to me”. Women love to be able to say that about good looking guys for some reason. And for men, it’s the same reasoning. They think it looks good to other women that they can have a strictly friends connection with a pretty girl. But it’s all lies. I’m gonna stick up for men and say that it is possible for us to be friends with pretty girls. But I will counter that by saying, most of the time if we could have more, we would take more. Period. We’re not in elementary school anymore where we’re super close with little girl down the street. Most of the time, when a guy says a woman is his best friend, it’s a girl that he has no shot with or is just waiting for that vulnerable moment. And when girls say that, alot of times, it’s a guy that she totally wants, but has to save face because he already slept with 3 of her friends. Again, I know there are many exceptions to this rule, but most of the time, “Really good friend” is more accurate than “Best friend”.

4. T-shirts with gold chain’s printed on them? Not in my house. These were in last year. Maybe early this year. No question about that. I’m just ashamed to announce that some people are just now getting on board this chain train. Much like the No More Skull Print rule from a few weeks ago, the chain print is too limited as far as “fashion windows” are concerned. If you weren’t wearing them during one very specific moment in time, you missed your chance.

It was a cool concept and it came at a time where t-shirt prints were very fresh and experimental. Had Brandnewcool.com been around at the time, it would have defintiely made the style section. A t-shirt with a gold chain printed right on the shirt where a real chain would actually go if I were wearing one? Forget about it. That’s awesome. But unfortunately, BNC was not around and therefore, the shirt qualifies for the New Rules only.

3. For the ladies: Complicated sandals don’t automatically mean stylish sandals. I don’t wear sandals. And for men who do, they usually don’t come in much of a variety. Slip on, closed toe, or thong. That’s all we got. Slip ons are mostly for athletes who wear em to the gym, thongs are usually for white guys who wear em with jeans during winter and closed toe are almost always for black men who don’t want anybody looking at how nasty their feet look. But for women, they come in a huge selection. They come in a variety of materials, designs, styles. They come with hooks, buttons and straps. It’s ridiculous. Some of these things look like restraints that require 3 keys to take off. It takes less time to brush your teeth thouroughly in the morning then it does to put some of these on.

Some women are putting on these gladiator sandals that wrap around their legs like jellyfish tentacles. First of all, 300 came out in 2006. Just throwing that out there. And 2nd, how could this be comfortable? How you think, wearing leather shin guards is comfortable, is beyond my reach of thought. And aside from the comfort factor, it doesn’t even look good. I’m all for women wanting to look their best, and wanting to look attractive. But when it comes to sandals, forget about the sandals that look like barb wire torture wraps and go with the ones that are most comfortable to wear. Because the movie theatre is packed, and we’re gonna have to park far and “No, I’m not dropping you off!”

2. Dear Members of an any professional athlete’s entourage,

Nobody cares about you.

I’m not trying to down play the appeal of being a part of an entourage. I would gladly play 2nd fiddle to any one of my friends or my brother if fame were to strike. I could be a Johnny Drama or a Turtle. But not Eric. He’s a little bitch. But if it happens, you have to know how to carry yourself and behave accordingly. I’m not saying I wouldn’t take advantage. I’m human. But I would still understand, at the end of the day, I’m not the one. There’s several entourages around big cities. Any city that has an NBA or NFL team is bound to have several groups of friends out on the scene. But the problem is you have some of the entourage members acting like they’re the ones who had 20 points, 8 rebounds against Dallas the night before. Being your athelete friend’s driver or full time barber doesn’t mean, you get to talk to waitresses like house slaves. Nor does it mean you get to curse out the DJ for not playing the terrible song you requested 8 times already. He’s not gonna play Young Jeezy for you. This is a lounge. Not an Atlanta car show.

Sincerely,

BNC

1. You shouldn’t STILL be impressed by Hooters waitresses. I would like to begin by saying, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a Hooters waitress. I have several friends who have worked there in the past and present and I have nothing but great things to say about them. I just think there should be a point in a man’s life where he is no longer “phased” by Hooter’s waitresses. I used to love going to Hooters. There were tons of super hot women wearing little shorts and tank tops walking around smiling at you for no reason. That was when I first got my license or first graduated from high school.  Going to Hooters is like a rite of passage for a young man. It’s the last stage of adolescence. Well 2nd to last right before strip club. But once you get passed that stage, the allure of Hooters should die down on it’s own. You shouldn’t still be the guy that’s overly excited to go see a pretty girl in a white tank top.

She’s just a waitress. She’s not the 3 boobed girl from Total Recall. You’ve seen pretty girls before, hopefully, so just relax. Nobody cares that the Hooters waitress knows you by name and accepts the shot you bought her when you saw her out last week. And the other side, ladies, if you are a Hooters waitress, you need to relax. Again, you are not the 3 boobed girl from Total Recall. While you may be hot, working at Hooters doesn’t make you a Cowboy’s cheerleader. Stop acting like you were on an episode of The O.C. where you make out with Mischa Barton. It’s not that serious. We are not intimidated or impressed. Save the Diva routine. And bring me back some fresh curly fries.

There are exceptions. Always

Good lord!