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You Have the Right to Remain Cool

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air is the Most Popular Show at Guantanamo Bay

I don’t know which joke to start with here. The Miami Herald reports that the prisoners in Guantanamo Bay can’t get enough of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. The prison’s video librarian has had to order all six seasons due to popular demand. I’m not wholly sure what to make of this yet, but I am concerned that the prisoners might riot as they get into later seasons and start asking questions like, “Who is this random light-skinned woman and what did she do with the real Aunt Viv?” And, “Why is Nikki suddenly six-years-old now? Are there five more seasons of this greatness that you’re not letting us see?” And, “Woah woah woah, what ever happened with Will and Jackie? And Will and Lisa? Where do his girlfriends go?! Why must you torture us with this lack of continuity?! Auggghhh! I’m punching someone!!”

One thing I know for sure is that if any of these potentially dangerous terrorist dudes is ever lucky enough to get a fair trial and potentially be released, Ben Vereen better watch the f*ck out. Seriously, that’s the first person the CIA has to call if anyone ever escapes Guantanamo. Otherwise, Ben might be walking out to check his mail one morning and the last words he’ll hear are, “How come you didn’t want him, man?” before catching a letter-bomb to the skeleton.

I’ll leave with this: is there anything Will Smith can’t do? Defeat aliens. Defeat androids. Fly drunk. And now his younger self from twenty years ago is entertaining detainees. He’s not a man, he’s a marvel. Truly. Truly…

P.S. – All kidding aside, Fresh Prince was probably a funnier show than you remember.

About J. Compton


J. Compton is a horror author whose stories have appeared in Pseudopod, Arkham Tales and other publications. He is co-creator of the BNC, and a generally cool dude. His short story collection Civilized Monsters is available now on Kindle.

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