Pages Navigation Menu

You Have the Right to Remain Cool

Phelps Wins 16th Gold; Lochte Settles for Silver


Ryan Lochte made a bit of a name for himself going into the Olympics with the “my time” comment. As in, 2012 was going to be his time to shine as the Swimmer Supreme , forcing Michael Phelps to relenquish the title of American Aquaman.

Today the two men went head-to-head in the 200-meter final, and Phelps showed Lochte what time it is, snatching the gold like D-bo and leaving Lochte to cry when he gets into his car . Okay, maybe that’s a little harsh, given that Lochte will leave the 30th Olympiad wth 5 medals: two golds, two silvers and a bronze. That’s more medals than I’ve ever won in a single session of Track & Field II, even when I’m using an NES Advantage. So it’s not like Lochte had a bad Olympics, or even a mediocre one, or even a barely-above-average one. He had a damn good showing out there in London.

He just made a critical miscalculation in trying to best a swimmer who has a speedboat and a torpedo somewhere in his family tree. I’m not sure Phelps should be allowed to even compete at the Olympics, given that he’s tested positive for Poseidon-blood, but that’s a matter for the IOC. You see that picture at the top? He’s not signaling a “three” as in “I’m the first male swimmer to win the same event in three consective Olympic games.” That’s the Atlantean gang-sign for a trident. He’s letting his fellow mermen know they don’t have to jump Lochte and snatch his gold medal later that night, because Phelps already has it. What I’m saying is, this dude owns the water, and as good as Lochte is, the present still belongs to Phelps.

About J. Compton

J. Compton is a horror author whose stories have appeared in Pseudopod, Arkham Tales and other publications. He is co-creator of the BNC, and a generally cool dude.

Leave a Reply