Top 5 Things I Hate Most About the Holidays
Ahh, the holiday season! It’s the most wonderful time of the year isn’t it? Whether it’s the cool winter weather, the joy of giving, or the spirit of Superman putting a little love in our hearts, we always seem to smile a little easier during this time of year. When what we really should be doing is a city wide hunt for all the people who love the holidays enough to put antlers and a red nose on their cars and verbally and physically berating them until they can’t remember the words to “We Wish You a Merry Christmas”. And most people only know two lines of lyrics in that song.
Incase you haven’t figured out why I’m encouraging a holiday version of Project Mayhem, it’s because there are several things about the holiday season that annoy me enough to make me not wanna leave the house until after the superbowl. I don’t hate Christmas or the holidays..just the people that participate in the celebration to obnoxious levels.
5. Christmas themes show up way too early.
I don’t recall what year America decided that Thanksgiving didn’t really exist, making it OK to start the Christmas celebration on November 1st. But, apparently it happened. I feel like this year the gap between Halloween and Christmas was non existent. Yes, I think Thanksgiving is a boring holiday, but it doesn’t mean I want people wishing me Happy Holidays before I turn the page on my calendar. It doesn’t mean I wanna see candy canes and stockings on sale in the same aisle as half priced Halloween costumes on November 1st. What is that? Nobody’s ready for that yet. There’s a progression our minds are used to and retail stores, TV networks, and other businesses are screwing that up. I went to see Twilight two weeks ago. Whatever the new one’s called. Breaking Bad? Freddy vs. Jacob? Electric Bugaloo? Whatever. And the worst part about that outing wasn’t the seizure inducing vampire baby birth scene. It was the fact that there was Christmas music playing and icicle lights hanging from the outside of the theater. It was like 80 something degrees that evening. I’d almost rather hear somebody wish me a Happy Back to School in November more than I wanna see Christmas lights. And I’m not even in school or back to it. And that’s not even a real expression.
TBS, the very funny network, felt it was appropriate to play the animated version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas the week after Halloween. Seriously. And I remember specifically that it was the week after Halloween because my air brushed abs hadn’t completely washed away from my mixed Ryan Gosling costume.
But, yeah, a classic Christmas program just days after Halloween. Would you screen a Michael Meyers marathon on Easter Sunday? Probably not. This either shows laziness or over excitement on TBS’s part. I know there aren’t any Thanksgiving themed movies but, they couldn’t find two reruns of Friends to show in its place? Two fat Chandler episodes could’ve easily passed as Thanksgiving dinner related.
I have always thought it would be cool to combine Halloween and Christmas though. Tim Burton films always do it. Christmas music can be scary. It’s usually a choir of kids singing alot of “la la la’s” on a dark and snowy night. That terrifies me.
4. Everything about Thanksgiving weekend
I mean EVERYTHING. To me, the holiday season doesn’t start until Thanksgiving. And so that makes Thanksgiving sort of the opening ceremony for the holidays. And because I hate that week so much, I guess it sets the tone of my mood for the rest of the season. I do enjoy having time off from work, but I’ve never been a real big fan of Thanksgiving food. So that, already, usually makes me unexcited about it. I know it’s tradition to eat turkey, dressing, and cranberry but it’s not like you can’t or don’t eat turkey any other day of the year. I can go to Bill Miller’s right now and get a pound of turkey, order of green beans then shoot down to Luby’s and pick up some mac and cheese and I don’t have to be thankful for anything but food to go service. Why do people get so excited about Thanksgiving dinner?
Also, I don’t work retail so I get 4 days off for the Thanksgiving. That’s a little too much time to have nothing to do but see your family and rake leaves. And I love my family. I enjoyed seeing them. I always do. But, when you have that length of a break there’s this obligation to get as many visits as possible. And if you’re married or coupled up, it’s compounded by at least 2. I say at least 2, because the chances of your partner’s parents being together nowadays is pretty slim. So you gotta go visit your family and you gotta go visit their mom’s family and their dad’s family separately.
And I can’t mention Thanksgiving without bringing up Black Friday. I’ve never participated in this. Posting up outside of Wal-Mart at 6:30pm Thanksgiving night to get my hands on a $20 Blu-Ray player, to me, isn’t worth being trampled by aggressive parents who are after an XBox for the sole purpose of learning how to dance like Fergie. Nor is it worth being peppered sprayed or worth the embarrassment you’ll suffer if your friends find out you were camping outside of Best Buy for a video game. With me, it’s not even that complicated. I’m just not willing to wait in line over night for anything unless it’s to gain access into somebody’s zombie apocalypse shelter. That and the first showing of The Dark Knight Rises on IMAX. I’m not embarrassed about that because it’s f***ing Batman.