1. There is a Such Thing as Taking Too Long at the Redbox
Waiting in line is never fun. Especially, waiting in line for something stupid. Yea, waiting in line so your son can take a picture with the shopping mall Santa isn’t fun. But waiting in line so your son can take a picture with the 2nd shopping mall Santa your kid has seen in the last hour is stupid. Like, “Really son? You buy that? You think THIS is the same Santa we saw outside of Macy’s even though THIS Santa is skinnier and Asian for some reason?” Anyway, my real problem is having to wait in line for the evil Redbox Browser.
The whole idea of Redbox was to make the movie rental business MORE convenient and quicker. But there’s always a guy holding up the line staring at the box like he’s trying to read a Subway map.
"Ok, where's Ghostbusters at on here?"
What movie are you looking for on the 5th page? A Steven Seagal movie? Beat it! If you’re browsing past the 2nd page, you’re officially in the “Can be seen on TNT” section.
2. Texting “I Already Miss You” After Someone Just Left Your House…
…you’re still doing that? I’m going to have to ask you to stop. Stop it right now.
When texting first came out, that was sort of cute. You’d leave a girl’s house and then your phone would chime or beep or whatever phones did all those many, many years ago, and then you’d check to see that you have a message. “Already miss you” it would say, and you probably smiled. Again, back then it was kind of cute.
But even then, it was only cute the first time. After that it just got aggravating. And now that texting is gradually replacing speaking as a standard form of communication, the “Already miss you” text is becoming creepy. Already miss me? I barely made it to my car. You mean from the front door to the curb you started to miss me? What, are you watching me through the window? That’s disturbing. Second date: canceled!
3. Is Gucci Mane’s New Ice Cream Cone Face-Tatt The Worst Tattoo Ever?
It’s at least in the top three worst rapper face-tatts of 2011. Getting that kind of tatt is like a declaration to the globe that you have zero intention of living past 35, right? Interestingly, your boy Mane got this tattoo done right after being released from a mental hospital he was submitted to after declaring himself mentally incompetent following his most recent arrest. Nothing says, “I’m all well and perfectly sane now, thanks,” quite like getting a triple-scoop cone with lightning bolts coming out of it inked on your faceplate.
4. Horror Movies – Please Stop Having Little Kids Randomly Say / Whisper Prayers, Songs or Nursery Rhymes Like It’s Still Scary
There’s a new commercial for the Anthony Hopkins joint, The Rite, that features a bunch of kids saying the Our Father in “creepy” fashion. Only it’s not creepy anymore, it’s just damn annoying. Yes The Shining made it scary to have a little kid or two recite something in monotone unison when those eerie little twin girls asked Danny to play “forever… and ever… and ever.” The little girls who sang the “Freddy’s coming for you” nursery rhyme were also pretty unsettling. That’s it. It doesn’t work anymore. In fact, I think The Grudge killed off the whole “creepy little kid” factor when they had their ghost kid meowing at people. That was a sure sign that Hollywood was out of ideas for scary ghost kids.
5. Anyone Else Notice That the New T-Mobile 4G Commercials are EXACTLY Like the “I’m a Mac / I’m a PC” Commercials?
I mean at first I thought it was just a one-shot parody…. Then they kept doing it and suddenly they’re acting like it’s their own campaign.
Guys, we saw these ads before a few years ago. They were funny and new then, now it’s just lame. I had to run a Google search to find out who was actually running these commercials; I couldn’t remember if it was T-Mobile or Boost Mobile or MCI or something. I miss the good ol’ days when T-Mobile commercials featured Catherine Zeta-Jones. Remember Catherine Zeta-Jones. Even her name was hot. Where’s she been? Bring her back and I’ll immediately consider buying your product.
6. Anne Hathaway is Catwoman. Tom Hardy is Bane. But the Real Casting Question for Nolan’s Next Batman Movie is…
…which past-his-prime, X-list actor who was a semi-star in the 80′s will Nolan put in The Dark Knight Rises. He seems to have made a point of rescuing guys like Tom Berenger, Rutger Hauer and Eric Roberts from direct-to-dvd flicks and SyFy original movies. And it’s been fantastic. So the question is, who’s next? My vote is for either Lou Diamond Phillips or Judd Nelson. Bonus if he can get the guy who played the EPA jerk in Ghostbusters and the reporter jerk in Die Hard and the professor jerk in Real Genius to be a city hall jerk in this latest movie.
Yeah, this guy. He's the freaking King of Movie Jerks Who Still Live Through the Movie
About J. Pines
Jeff Pines is a music producer and co-owner of the BNC. Also, he's tall.